For a long time, I thought intimacy just wasn’t for women like me. I was tired all the time, juggling work, social obligations, and the mental load of everything else.
The idea of adding one more “wellness routine” to my plate felt laughable, especially one that involved pleasure. But what I didn’t realize was that intimacy wasn’t about performance, it was about self-connection.
And once I gave myself permission to explore that, everything from my sleep to my self-confidence started to shift.
From Burnout to Curiosity: My Intimacy Awakening
At the time, I was running on caffeine and to-do lists. I wasn’t sleeping well, my body felt tense all the time, and the idea of sx something that used to bring me joy now felt like another demand I couldn’t meet. I didn’t feel connected to myself, and I definitely didn’t feel desirable.
So I started pulling away. Quietly. I avoided touch, shrugged off compliments, and told myself this was just what happens when life gets busy. But deep down, I missed feeling present in my own body.
Then one day, I saw a post from a sx educator that made me stop scrolling. It wasn’t flashy or explicit. It simply said, “Pleasure is nervous system regulation.”
I must have read it five times. Because for the first time, I realized maybe this wasn’t about being sey or even seual. Maybe it was about resetting. About learning to breathe again through my body. And maybe just maybe there was room in my self-care routine for that, too.
How Pleasure Became Part of My Sleep Routine
I used to lie in bed scrolling until my eyes burned, hoping to tire myself out. But even when I finally put my phone down, my mind kept racing replaying conversations, worrying about work, feeling disconnected. Sleep didn’t come easy.
That’s when I started reading more about the science of pleasure and the nervous system. I learned that orgasms can activate the vagus nerve, which helps shift the body out of fight-or-flight mode and into rest.
They release oxytocin and dopamine, two feel-good chemicals that naturally reduce stress and promote deeper sleep.
“Pleasure helps down-regulate stress it’s physiological,” says Dr. Lien Nguyen, MD, a board-certified OB-GYN and clinical fellow at ISSWSH. “It’s not just about arousal it’s about recovery.”
With that reframe, intimacy no longer felt like a task or a performance. It became a gentle part of my wind-down routine like a bath or journaling. Just five minutes of quiet connection with myself, and I’d fall asleep faster, feeling more settled in my body.
Why Feeling Safe Made All the Difference
Before this journey, I thought sx toys were all neon-colored, buzzy, and loud something you’d buy as a joke at a bachelorette party, not something you’d use as part of a wellness routine.
But then I found something that surprised me. It was small, soft, and quiet nothing like I’d expected. The material felt gentle, the shape wasn’t intimidating, and the motor was quiet enough that I didn’t feel self-conscious.
“I didn’t even feel like I was doing anything ‘sxual’ just taking care of myself.”
That feeling of safety of not having to brace for overstimulation or awkwardness changed everything. It helped me approach my body with curiosity instead of fear or judgment.
Emerging brands like Jissbon are part of this shift. They prioritize wellness-minded design: soft-touch finishes, intuitive controls, and medically safe materials that feel more like skincare than gadgets. It’s not about shock value. It’s about comfort, confidence, and giving women options that actually feel good emotionally and physi
Because when something feels safe, it becomes so much easier to explore and maybe even enjoy.
3 Small Wins That Had a Big Impact
When I started this journey, I wasn’t looking for fireworks I just wanted to feel better. What I got were small, steady shifts that added up to something bigger.
1. Better Sleep
Using an intimacy tool during my wind-down routine helped me fall asleep faster and sleep more deeply. It worked like a signal to my nervous system that it was safe to let go.
2. More Confidence
Tuning into what felt good made me feel more in control not just in the bedroom, but in everyday life. I started walking taller, feeling better in my clothes, and actually liking what I saw in the mirror.
3. Improved Communication
After avoiding the topic for so long, I finally opened up to my partner. Not with a script just with honesty. We started talking more openly, which made our connection feel stronger and easier.
“It wasn’t about climax. It was about control, calm, and clarity.”
Sometimes, small wins are the ones that stick and these three changed everything for me.
What I’d Tell Any Woman Who’s Hesitant
If you’ve been curious but unsure where to start, you’re not alone. I spent years thinking intimacy tools were too much too loud, too flashy, too confusing. But here’s what I wish someone had told me earlier:
Start small. Look for something discreet, body-safe, and designed with comfort in mind.
There’s no need to dive into complicated tech or dozens of modes. Tools like a vibrator, massager, or external device are perfect for gentle exploration. They’re quiet, easy to clean, and often designed to be as intuitive as possible.
What to avoid? Anything with a strong chemical smell, overly stiff materials, or more features than you’ll realistically use. If it looks confusing straight out of the box, you’ll probably hesitate to try it which defeats the point.
If you’re still not sure how to tell what’s safe and beginner-friendly, this wellness-forward guide is worth reading. It breaks down the basics without the sales pitch and helps you understand what matters most for your body and your comfort.
Self-Care Isn’t Always Candles and Baths
Sometimes, self-care isn’t a spa day or a smoothie. Sometimes, it’s quiet and personal a small, private moment of choosing yourself.
This journey didn’t just help me sleep better. It changed how I see myself. It reminded me that I deserve to feel at home in my body, not disconnected from it. That I can take care of myself in ways that go beyond routines and rituals and into real confidence.